It is so hard to believe we are only two days away from Harper's open heart surgery. We have waited for three years for this date and we know the Lord picked the most perfect date and the most amazing surgeon to fix her heart. For three years I have hovered over her wondering if that extra sniffle would effect her heart or when she didn't wake up right away from nap -- was she breathing? Sometimes the nights would be so long as I lay awake looking at the baby monitor screen. The cardiologist had told us we could wait a few years until the surgery was necessary but there was no guarantee that at any moment she could have a heart attack. Most people don't have these worries or thoughts about their two or three year old. I never would have guessed that my life would be on this path of adopting children with heart conditions but God had other plans and I am so glad He did. I am so thankful for the life He has given us with Harper. We feel so blessed that she is our daughter and every moment we will continue to have with her is like heaven on earth.
When we got Harper's file there was something in that face that told us she was a fighter, a survivor and a sweet well spirited child that needed a home. Those first weeks in China when she was a hot sweaty mess we knew her heart was probably pumping and beating faster normal. You did not even need a stethoscope to hear it! When we went to the medical exam appointment in China they asked us if we knew that she had a heart condition and if we still wanted her. The nurse had listened to her heart and then ran to get the doctor and was trying to explain to us that her heart was loud and basically sounded like a washing machine. I will never forget those first few cardiology appointments when we brought her home from China. The doctors would just look at us and almost didn't have the heart to tell us that she would need open heart surgery. They worked hard presenting her case to all the top catheterization doctors but after all their reviews the consensus was that her heart could only be fixed via an open heart procedure. As first time parents, although a bit nervous, we knew God's hand was all over Harper and that when the time was right He would tell us. He gave Harper until she was four. Four awesome years to get to know Him and for us to love and care for her. He gave us time for her to bond with us and to gain some much needed weight! He gave us time to give her a sister to love and play with. He gave us time to take her to Disney World and the beach. He gave her time to go to preschool and to learn her ABC's. He gave her time to take dance and to learn how to run and jump. He gave her time to just be a little girl that loves to live in a world of make believe princesses. He gave her time to learn about Him and to love Him. He gave her time to sleep through the night without pain in her spine. He gave her time to know what it means to be part of a forever family. You see he gave us the gift of time when He really did not have to do anything. We are so blessed with the gift of time and so often many of us take it for granted. I was once asked why would I adopt a child with a heart condition when they felt it was one of the most severe needs to have because basically you need a heart to live. Honestly we never really thought about it that way. We just knew that God determines the number of our days and who am I to deny His power and one of His children? If He called us to her (as He clearly did) then He would clearly be there for us in our darkest and hardest times of caring for a child with Congenital Heart Disease. I also look at it this way: Isn't it better to have loved then never to have loved at all? If we didn't step out of our comfort zone then we would have missed out on the biggest blessings in our life. Life isn't suppose to be easy and comfortable and planned out. It is messy, very messy and hard but God's promises are great and He does immeasurably more then we can ask.
We know The Lord could heal her heart at any moment just like He did Talia's, but He chose to have her go through this procedure and I know He will use it for His glory. Harper is fearfully and wonderfully made or as she says, "Mama I was wonderfully and carefully, carefully made!" My reply is always "Yes indeed you were!" She knows Him and she knows that there are no mistakes or surprises that He knitted her in her mother's womb and knows her name. He will be with her now and in eternity and He loves her even more then I do. Hard to imagine sometimes, right? That someone else could love our children more then us? That is how big and powerful His love is for us. It makes a mama bear's love and concern seem small. I think of Harper's biological mother frequently and I am sure she still wonders if her child is alive. She gave her up because she could not give her this life saving surgery and she made the excruciating decision to let her go and let someone else take care of her for her child's sake. So I am going to let go and give up control and let the one that loves her most and who created her to take over.
Dear Lord I am surrendering to you because you know how each moment of the surgery will play out. You know every breathe Harper has and you know the number of heartbeats she has on this earth. You are not the God of worry and fear. You are the giver of life. You tell us in your word to not be anxious in anything but to give it to you with prayer and petition and thanksgiving. I present the following requests to you Lord.
-We pray that you plant a hedge of protection around Harper to be illness free and that her surgery is not postponed.
-For Mary Jane and Talia to be completely well and symptom free from their recent virus.
-For a safe journey for our family to Philadelphia and on our return to Charlotte.
-We pray for Harper’s pre op appointments to run smoothly as well as her genetic testing to come back negative for the syndromes they are testing her for.
-For Mary Jane & Todd to have extra energy, stamina and strength to endure the long nights and days at the hospital as well as a strong immune system so that they can care for Harper after her surgery.
-For Harper’s spirit to stay positive before and after her surgery.
-We pray Lord for our family to find rest in your word during the surgery hours and the days leading up to the surgery. Put our minds at ease and deliver them from any anxiety. Please let the Holy Spirit guide our thoughts and provide them with peace.
-For Harper’s heart to be easily fixed and completely healed.
-For the blood donations to be a match for her and for the new blood entering her system to not cause any harm to her fragile body.
-For her pulmonary valve stenosis to be corrected during this surgery and the pressures to be alleviated.
-For her heart rhythms and oxygen rates to be stay consistent and normal.
-For her to go on and off the bypass machine smoothly. We also pray for her to be on the bypass machine for an hour or less. We pray that her heart starts up quickly again without missing one precious heartbeat.
-We pray Lord for you to beat her heart for her and breathe into her when she can not.
-We pray for no brain damage or learning disabilities that are normally associated with being on the bypass machine.
-We pray for her to wake up easily from the anesthesia.
-We pray the medicines keep her from feeling pain and that during the first few days of healing we see glimpses of our Harper bug and her smile.
-We pray for the most critical hours (24-48 hrs.) following surgery and that she does not develop any infections.
-We pray for a room to be ready for us at the Ronald McDonald house in Philadelphia starting on the evening of April 10th.
-We pray for Talia’s mind that she can understand that she will just be separated from us for a week and not permanently. We pray for minimal tantrums and that she enjoys her time at our friend’s house.
-We pray for you to guide the hand of the surgeon and that His wisdom comes from you to perform her open heart surgery flawlessly.
-We pray for all of her caregivers including nurses, grandparents, and friends and pray you give them comfort and hope.
-We pray Lord that your fix her heart completely so that she can live a long and healthy life.
-We pray for a quick recovery with no complications and that sweet Harper is running around again with in a months’ time.
-Continue to provide us with patience and trust in you and your plan for Harper. They know she was yours first but feel that deep ache as earthly parents to just keep their daughter here with them safe and sound in their arms.
-We pray Lord for Harper to know you and love you and sing your praises all the days of her life. Let her story be a testament always of your faithfulness and let it draw others closer to you. Lord we ask you to do immeasurably more with Harper’s life then we can imagine. We pray you continue to use her for your purpose.
Oh how this brought tears to my eyes. I am praying with you and am moved by the words you use about giving it up to God. It gives me peace as I wait anxiously to met our baby and hopefully learn that he is healthy. I also think it's a sign that cooper is having a school event Thursday, benefitting Ronald McDonald house.....I told him that the tiny tooth fairy pillows we made together and that he will sell at the event will be helping Harper and her family. It is meant to be. Love you!!!!
ReplyDeleteKeeping you in my prayers... for all these items!
ReplyDeletePlease know that Miss Melissa & Miss Dee Dee are praying & tell Harper we love her!
ReplyDeletePraying for your family and for Harper! She will do fantastic! I remember how scared I was when my son has his open heart! I was so surprised at how quickly he recovered and was sent home. The one thing that got me through that time was the prayers of others. HUgs from Atlanta, Georgia.
ReplyDeletePraying for your sweet little one. From your heart to Gods ear, may every prayer be answered to His glory. Love from Texas...Deanna
ReplyDeleteI too am an adopted child (from the US) born with a congenital heart defect called aortic stenosis. I under went my first surgery at the age of six where they enlarged the existing valve in hopes that it would continue to grow along with me. At age twelve I had surgery for the second and third time. They replaced the faulty aortic valve with a metal ball in cage valve that I still have today- 33 years later. I know that the surgeons where doing god's work that day back in 1980 and it was his hands that guided them through the surgery (which was 14 hours long)and saved my life. There is not a day that goed by that I don't have a constant reminder of what a miracle I am since the valve they replaced ticks just like a clock- leting me know how truly blessed I really am- every second of every day. I pray that your daughter has a speedy recovery and a wonderful life full of happiness a good health.
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